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international news _ JONTY SKRUFFF _ 16th December, 2005

Top US Tranny Terrorises Tiesto

Trance icon DJ Tiesto fled from the decks at US club Crobar last week when cross-dressing basketball superstar Dennis Rodman reportedly ripped his clothes off and mooned at the Dutch cheese-meister.

The New York Post said Rodman then chased after Tiesto screaming sorry and begging him to return, which Tiesto refused to do until the notoriously flamboyant drag queen was ejected from the club.

However, Rodman's agent Darren Prince denied his client hadn't been thrown out and told the tabloid that clubbers had instead celebrated the spectacle, chanting 'Rodman, Rodman, Rodman', a version Skrufff contributor Larry Tee, who's played alongside Tiesto as well as DJing for Dennis Rodman , said could be right.

"Americans do LOVE American celebrities, I certainly wouldn't place money on Tiesto in a Rodman/Tiesto match," said Larry.

"Particularly since Tiesto's biggest contribution to dance music is taking off his shirt and adding boyish energy to the DJ game. In fact, I believe he might be partially responsible for the latest DJ trend: lean mean DJ machines are in; plump or steroided DJs are out," he declared.

"I barely eat nowadays," the electroclash guru added, "Knowing that hungry DJs are plainly better DJs."

Tiesto's embarrassing incident occurred soon after an anonymous satirist taunted him mercilessly in a widely circulated cartoon lampooning trance fans for believing 'how a record sounds better when Tiesto plays it.'

The cartoon features a grandfather warning teenage girls about avoiding 'the very dangerous cult of "DJ" worship."

"Trance has brainwashed peopled into thinking it has the best DJs in the world. It sucked the soul out of the rave scene and replaced it with false gods like PVD," the grandfather tells his granddaughters, "At the top end of the trance pantheon is Tiesto, the most marketed human stereo ever."

Evidence of Tiesto's fallibility also emerged recently when he failed to win DJ Magazine's latest Top 100 DJs poll (pipped by PVD) and one year earlier, soon after he DJed at the opening ceremony of the Olympic Games.

"Apparently he fluffed his first mix," DJ's editor Lesley Wright told Time Out at the time, "Still if you've got an audience of four billion, you've got a right to be a bit nervous." (Jonty Skrufff)

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